PWEDE BANG BISITAHIN NG MGA KAIBIGAN ANG BABAING MAYBAHAY NA NAMATAYAN NG ASAWA UPANG MAG-COMFORT O MAGPARATING NG PAKIKIRAMAY?
Tanong:
Ang asawa ng babae ay namatay meaning po yong lalaki ang
namatay... then ang tanong ay kung puedeng bisitahin ng mga kaibigan/office
mate ng babae upang magcomfort o magparating ng condolence?
Sagot:
What is Ta'ziyah?
Ta'ziyah means to console, comfort and give solace to someone
who is suffering grief. The Islāmic concept of ta'ziyah at the time of
someone's death is one of consoling the bereaved with such words or actions as
will remove or lessen their grief. The aim of ta'ziyah is to strengthen the
broken-hearted and give them hope at a time when their hope may be waning; it
is to lighten the load of the bereaved. To say or do things that augment or
reawaken grief is not ta'ziyah, it is taklīf (giving hardship to others).
The Time
for Ta'ziyah
According to the Sharī'ah, there are only three days for
ta'ziyah, i.e. IT SHOULD ONLY BE CARRIED OUT WITHIN THE FIRST THREE DAYS AFTER
THE DEATH HAS OCCURRED. There is an exception for people who live far away, or
are out of the country or sick and so are unable to attend within the first
three days: they may come for ta'ziyah even after three days. The intent of THE
SHARĪ'AH IS TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO FORGET THEIR GRIEF, not have them sitting around
nursing it indefinitely. For this reason, it is sunnah for an individual to go
only once for ta'ziyah.
Muhammad ibn Sirin reported: Umm ‘Atiyyah, may Allah be pleased
with her, said, “We have been PROHIBITED FROM MOURNING FOR MORE THAN THREE
DAYS, except for our husbands.”
عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ
بْنِ سِيرِينَ عَنْ أم عطية نسيبة الأنصارية رضي الله عنها قَالَتْ نُهِينَا أَنْ
نُحِدَّ أَكْثَرَ مِنْ ثَلَاثٍ إِلَّا بِزَوْجٍ
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ
al-Bukhārī 1220.
Tanging ang asawa ng namatayan LAMANG ang pinahintulutan na
sosobra sa three days na pagdalamhati sa pagkamatay ng asawa nito KAYA'T HINDI
NA KELANGAN BISITAHIN SIYA after three days dahil madadagdagan at bubuhayin
lamang nito ang alaala na kung saan dapat sana ay unti-unti na itong maka-move
on!!!
Zainab bint Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with them) said: I
went to Umm Habibah (May Allah be pleased with her) the wife of the Prophetﷺ, when her father Abu
Sufyan bin Harb (May Allah be pleased with him) died. Umm Habibah (May Allah be
pleased with her) sent for a yellow coloured perfume or something else like it,
and she applied it to a slave-girl and then rubbed it on her own cheeks and said:
"By Allah, I have no need for perfume, I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying from the
pulpit, `IT IS NOT PERMISSIBLE FOR A WOMAN who believes in Allah and the Last
Day TO MOURN FOR THE DEAD BEYOND THREE DAYS, EXCEPT FOR THE DEATH OF HER
HUSBAND; in which case the period of mourning IS OF FOUR MONTHS AND TEN
DAYS.''' Zainab said: I then visited Zainab, daughter of Jahsh (May Allah be
pleased with her) when her brother died; she sent for perfume and applied it
and then said: "Beware! By Allah, I don't feel any need of perfume but I
heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying from the pulpit, `It is not
permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn the
dead beyond three days except in case of her husband (for whom the period is)
four months and ten days.'''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The fuqahā have written that as soon as the burial has been
completed, THE BEREAVED SHOULD GET BACK INTO THE NORMAL ROUTINE OF THEIR LIVES,
one of its benefits being that IT PREVENTS THE PROLONGED COMING AND GOING OF
VISITORS, which only serves to keep the grief alive when it should be
forgotten.
It is sunnah for neighbours or friends to prepare food for the
immediate family of the deceased during their moment of grief. This should be
done for one day, though it is also permissible to do so for the full three
days. THE OBJECTIVE IS TO LIGHTEN THE BURDEN OF THE BEREAVED and ensure that
food is available for them at a time when they may be too distraught to keep
track of mealtimes.
Virtues
of Ta'ziyah
There are great rewards for ta'ziyah.
Prophet Muhammadﷺ said:
A Muslim who consoles his brother will be clothed with garments
of honour by Allāh on the Day of Qiyāmah. (Al-Bayhaqī)
Whoever consoles a bereaved mother will be dressed with a
(special) garment in Paradise. (At-Tirmidhī)
Whoever consoles an afflicted person will receive the same
reward [as the sufferer will upon his sabr]. (At-Tirmidhī)
When a Muslim is afflicted with a difficulty of any sort, be it
the loss of a loved one or any other hardship, and he bears it patiently then
Allāh ta'ālā rewards him for his patience. From this hadīth we learn that one
who consoles an afflicted person receives the same reward that the afflicted
person receives due to his patience. The patience exercised by a bereaved
person, and consequently the reward, is obviously great, therefore the reward
of someone who consoles the bereaved through the sunnah of ta'ziyah is also
great.
How
to Carry Out Ta'ziyah
There are no set words for ta'ziyah. One should visit the
bereaved and console them, bearing in mind the following points: (Ta'ziyah can
also be performed over the phone if necessary or by letter.)
a)
Encourage patience, reminding the bereaved of the virtues of patience.
b)
Make du'ā for the bereaved, asking Allāh ta'ālā to grant them reward in return
for their loss. A du'ā that can be read is:
A'dhamallāhu ajrak, wa ahsana 'azā'ak, wa ghafara li mayyitik.
Translation: May Allāh ta'ālā increase your reward, and grant
you good consolation, and forgive your deceased.
Note: In cases where the deceased is a minor, not yet bāligh,
the last part of the du'ā (wa ghafara li mayyitik) is omitted, as the question
of forgiveness for a minor does not arise. The parents should also be reminded
that Rasūlullāh sallallāhu 'alayhi wasallam said that when a child passes away
he intercedes for his parents before Allāh ta'ālā and takes them into Jannah.
c)
Make du'ā for the deceased, an act that will bring cheer to the hearts of the
bereaved.
d)
Mention the positive aspects of the situation for both the bereaved and the
deceased. Ibn 'Abbās radhiyallāhu 'anhu says that at the time of his father's
death, a bedouin was able to console him as no one else had been able to. The
bedouin recited a poem, the last part of which was: 'Better for you than 'Abbās
is the reward you will receive after him, and Allāh is better than you for
'Abbās.'
Through these words the grieving son was reminded that although
he had suffered a loss, the gain brought by patience is superior to the loss.
He was then reminded that his father may have lost the company of his son, but
he had gone to meet his Creator. What is better for 'Abbās radhiyallāhu 'anhu,
being with his son or being with Allāh ta'ālā?
e)
The meaning of the verse 'to Allāh we belong, and to Him we will return' should
be explained. We all belong to Allāh ta'ālā, so when he takes one of us away we
should not complain. And although we become separated from a loved one, it is
only a temporary separation, for we will soon be returning to them. At the
demise of his grandson, Rasūlullāh sallallāhu 'alayhi wasallam consoled his
daughter with the words:
Inna lillāhi mā akhadha wa lahū mā a'tā, wa kullun 'indahū bi
'ajalim-musammā, faltasbir waltahtasib.
Translation: Whatever Allāh takes is His, and whatever He gives
is His, and everything has an appointed time. So be patient and seek rewards.
(Al-Bukhārī)
Ang pag-offer ng pakikiramay o condolence sa mga relative ng
namatayan na NAKASALUBONG o nakita sa labas o daanan o sa isang lugar ay puede
o ipinahihintulot.
Makruh (di kanais-nais) ang PAGDALO SA MGA GATHERINGS for the
purpose of offering condolences.
There should be no gathering for the purpose of offering
condolences, and such gatherings are makrooh. This is the view of the Shaafa‘is
and Hanbalis, and many of the Maalikis; some of them even stated that it is
haraam.
The strongest evidence quoted by those who say that it is
makrooh consists of two things:
(i)The report of Jareer ibn ‘Abdullah who said: "We used to
regard gathering with the family of the deceased and making food after the
burial as coming under the same heading as wailing (which is forbidden)."
---Narrated by Ahmad, 6866; and Ibn Maajah, 1612.
(ii)This is something that was not done by the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) or any of his Companions, hence it
is something that has been introduced; it is also contrary to the practice of
the righteous early generations, who did not gather to receive condolences.
Imam ash-Shaafa‘i said:
I would regard such gatherings as makrooh, even if there is no
weeping involved, because it renews grief and imposes a burden on the family of
the deceased.
Ipinahihitulot lamang ang pagbisita SA BAHAY NG MGA MUSLIM na
namatayan bilang pakikiramay kung ang dalawang bagay ay iiwasan:
1. Gathering to offer condolences...
2. The family of the deceased preparing food to offer to those
who come to offer condolences.
People are accustomed to do nowadays, like gathering and
preparing food and drinks for the people who come to console them, and serve
them the food in the same way as in weddings and special occasions, then THIS
IS AN INNOVATION (Bid'ah).
The Sunnah is for the relatives and neighbours of the deceased
to make food enough for the bereaved family.
The hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah, the wife of the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) according to which, that if a member of her family
died, the women would gather together, then they would depart, except her own
relatives and close friends. She would order that a pot of talbeenah be cooked,
then some thareed would be made and the talbeenah would be poured over it. Then
she would say: Eat some of it, for I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) say: “Talbeenah soothes the heart of the sick
person, and it takes away some of the grief.”
---Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5417; Muslim, 3216.
Talbeenah is a broth made from (barley) flour and bran, to which
honey may be added.
It is permissible to visit the relatives of a dead person in
order to console them because consoling a Muslim for the death of his relative
is desirable as stated in the Hadith of the Prophetﷺ.
Again, with regards to Muslims GATHERING AT HOMES and the like
for consoling a person who lost a relative, then the SCHOLARS DIFFERED IN
OPINION ABOUT ITS RULING, the Hanbali and Shaafi’i Schools of jurisprudence are
of the view that this is disliked, whereas the Maaliki School of jurisprudence
permitted it, and the Hanafi School of jurisprudence is of the opinion that
this is less appropriate to do.
...and Allah Almighty knows best!
CTTO : Jibrail Angel
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